


Sleep Evasion of a King

by KatLeePT



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-25
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-23 02:40:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6102130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatLeePT/pseuds/KatLeePT
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When sleep eludes Jareth, trouble and hilarity are bound to ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sleep Evasion of a King

"One hundred and forty seven . . . One hundred and forty eight . . . One hundred and forty nine . . . " Jareth scowls at the Dwarf hovering nearby. "This isn't working," he complains and yawns pointedly.

Hoggle's bushy brows rise at the sound for somehow, the royal bastard even manages to make that noise sound regal. "Whadda ya want me to do about it?"

"Hogit?"

"Yeah?"

"I thought this went without saying, but quite clearly, if I do not procure my needed beauty sleep -- which, of course, I need far more for the actual resting value and not the beauty for my beauty certainly can not be improved --, I will be in a quite foul mood."

"How's that any different from normal?" Hoggle questions, tired of watching Goblins being kicked. One by one, a good hundred and a half green, scaly butts have sailed through the air before him, and the King has still not been entertained enough to find himself willing to fall asleep.

"For starters, such a comment would probably land your scaly ass right in the Bog of Eternal Stench."

As always, that line demands Hoggle's immediate action -- and pleading. He jumps over to Jareth and promptly falls, face first, before his King. "Oh, no, your Majesty! Please! Not the Bog of Eternal Stench! Anything but that!" He grubby hands dare to cling desperately to Jareth's tightly clothed knees while his lips hasten to cover every speck on his black leather boots.

Jareth kicks him away. "Oh, yes, Hoggle! The Bog of Eternal Stench! In fact, its entitlement shall be yours if I am to linger even one more hour in this infernal consciousness!"

"There must be some way you can fall asleep, Sire!"

"I have been saying the same all day!" Jareth proclaims. Having spent the previous night watching Sarah Williams and several other mortal girls, he had intended to fall asleep this morning and slumber the day away, but alas, sleep has evaded him all day. It is now late into the afternoon, and Jareth had planned to rise again in his owl form to watch the mortals once more tonight. Without his sleep, his plans would surely be deterred, and as Jareth himself had quickly pointed out, a King without sleep is a cranky King indeed.

"There must be something we've missed."

"I miss nothing, Hogwart."

"O-Of course, Your Majesty, but we must procure some sleep for you!"

"Tell me how, Higlet, and I might allow you to live your miserable life a little while longer without the Stench."

"Maybe Trely can prepare you something in the kitchen? I've heard warm milk can be good for sleep."

"Tried it. She's brought me all of my delights from the kitchen, and nothing has worked."

"And you've counted stones," Jareth nods, "and hairs on Ludo," Jareth nods again, "and Goblins . . . "

"All without any help whatsoever. The Jester has juggled; the mercenaries have killed. I have sniffed catnip, fairy dust, and poppies. I have danced in every ball, flown in all the skies in all the realms. All, still, to no avail! Tell me, Hogwart, what I have not tried that could possibly relax me into sweet slumber so long denied me!"

"Hum . . . Huh . . . " Hoggle rakes his brain as Jareth's temper rises.

"Tell me before I douse you in the Bog -- "

"You haven't kicked me, Sire!" Hoggle winces even as he provides the suggestion.

Jareth's mouth is open, his lips and teeth poised to deny his suggestion and his finger raised to send him to the Bog. But then he stops. "You know, Hoglet, you just happen to be right."

Jareth's ears twitch as Hoggle grumbles curses under his breath. "What's that, Hogit? You're ready for the Bog now?"

"No, Your Majesty! No! Never that!"

"That's what I thought," Jareth answers with a smirk. "Now," he commands, making a circular motion with a gloved finger, "do be a good subject and turn around." Hoggle does as requested, and Jareth pretends not to hear the curses the Dwarf spews as the sharp, pointed toe of his boot collides with his bum and sends him spiraling through the air.

  
=^.^=

  
A Half Hour Later

  
"Ninety eight." Hoggle screams. "Ninety nine." Hoggle wails. "One hundred."

"Aren't you getting tired yet, Sire?!"

"No, Hoglet, I'm not!" Hoggle winces, hearing the smile in his King's voice. "Aren't you ready for the Bog yet?"

"No, Sire!"

"That's what I thought. One hundred and one."

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jareth smiles as Hoggle screams, and although he can now feel sleep pulling at his mind like a long lost friend, he ignores its invitation and watches as his Goblins line the Dwarf up for his next kick. This is, after all, the most fun he's had in a century. The sun gleams on the King's pearly white teeth as he grins broadly and Hoggle sails through the air again.

  
**The End**

**Author's Note:**

> All characters within belong to their rightful owners, not the author, and are used without permission.


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